Because following you alone into a deep forest isn’t creepy when it’s Prince Charming.

If I can sneak around behind my wife, then what’s a little sneaking in private property?

I feel like I should honor our marriage, girl, so instead of hurting you with the truth, I’m just going to go behind your back.

My second choice was a nice little bistro, but that doesn’t rhyme with “troll bridge” does it?

Sorry Kathryn. There was no room for your character development in between all the intense close-ups of me and Mary Margaret. 

I was afraid you’d make a scene, so…

Did you have fun sticking your head out the open window like Ajax?

Wait, it’s all coming back to me… but this doesn’t change how I feel about you, girl!

Also, there’s nowhere to get a room but Granny’s B&B. Awkward, girl…

I like mine black, like the color of the empty spot where my sense of shame should be.